SeductiveTortoise

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

*Including burying those first Americans first.

That’s ridiculous. I think they just wake up from a fever dream of opulence and a superiority complex.

I’m just too lazy to toss it right away so I stack it until I hate the stack more than getting up.

Then the cycle repeats.

A black Jeep? I saw them, they were driving in a blue BMW down to the harbor. Yes, a green Toyota, why do you ask?

I tried tasting vinegar to check if I still could, but nothing.

I had this twice, the first time was at least 25 years ago.

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Oh, you were noticing this just now?

(Right next to the pee)

But I don’t love pythons!

Aw that sucks. I had hoped he’d react with an aneurysm.

In the feels?

A Thai man was bitten on the testicles by a 12-foot python while he sat on the toilet

Oh no! Oh no no no, that’s way worse! Way worse!!!

Her vibrator can as well.

You mean the pigs have gotten fatter? They will make some good bacon.

Just not a good one.

And then we got angry because it didn’t work and worked on it until 3am.

It seems centuries are getting shorter and shorter each year.

It doesn’t have one 😭

Worthless piece of software!

For my dog, it’s just the invisible monsters.