I’m just saying: as a guy, this is not the only double standard, and not the only thing that people see as “you did it once so you’re $thing forever” that guys go through.
It’s probably one of the most notable though.
As men, we deal with a lot of judgemental shit and we’re expected to deal with it “like a man”… Whatever the fuck that means.
Another good example of this is crying. If you have a mental breakdown and fall into a crying fit, people will brand you as a cry baby or some shit, and that will stay with you for a long ass time.
There’s so much more. I don’t have time to think of, nor detail any of it. Any fellas that have examples, I invite you too add them in reply. Ladies, you can too. And anyone else can, honestly; let’s not forget our non-binary family.
I’ve had two relationships with women immediately go downhill after I cried in front of them. It was like someone flipped a switch and turned off any physical attraction they had to me.
I’ve had two relationships with women immediately go downhill after I cried in front of them. It was like someone flipped a switch and turned off any physical attraction they had to me.
Can absolutely confirm this, myself, on a personal level.
Never let them see you genuinely vulnerable unless you want to drive them away, or want that to be weaponized against you at some point in the future. Sometimes even both, but never neither.
Only ever provide curated vulnerabilities that offer of themselves no true vulnerability, but satisfies any desire they may have to see vulnerability in you. Like being distressed at the sight of an unknown dead dog on the side of the road, for example. Clean, simple, controllable, and superficial.
Violate this tenet at your own psychological risk.
It’s how “toxic masculinity” is forced upon men against their will.
Do we want to be sensitive and vulnerable? Sure!
Do we want partners that can accept that sensitivity and vulnerability? Of course!!
But when the vast majority of women do not do as they say, or say as they do, the calculus becomes massively brutal and clear-cut: either cram that shit down to where it will never see the light of day, or see it emotionally/sexually revolt our partner and possibly even make them leave.
Yes! It’s intentionally used to invoke blame. Foremost by implying that some list of bad behaviours is only or primarily displayed by men, and secondly by implying that it is the fault of men (often read as all men) when they exhibit these behaviours. I would much rather we just call it toxic behaviour. Both sexes are capable of violence, jealousy, etc. “Toxic masculinity” merely ensures half of the people one is speaking to switch off and might even take the opposite side of the discussion because it’s really offensive.
I’m not saying it’s right, just, or how it should be,
What makes it infinitely more worse is that almost all women fully and absolutely deny this happens, even when behaving exactly like this.
It’s why such near-ubiquitous behaviour - and women’s hypocritical denial of its existence - is widely documented within both redpill and blackpill writings, and is one of the core reasonings behind MGTOW.
Such overwhelmingly predictable behaviours are what make those philosophies so devastatingly effective and compelling long before anything even mildly misogynistic crops up… after all, facts and evidence that survive tests of disproof speak volumes. These philosophies would have no reason to exist if behaviours and double standards like this weren’t everywhere, and all it takes for a man to see them properly is for their societal brainwashing to be disrupted.
I’ve discovered that emotional availability means you’re available to mirror her emotions. If she’s mad, you better get mad. If she’s sad, you better get sad.
Yes! We need a translator because what many of them say is not what they actually mean. I kept being told I was emotionally unavailable. So I started opening up more, which killed the attraction pretty quickly. What they meant was that they wanted me to listen to them and react in a way which implied I felt their feelings. Most women definitely DO NOT want a man who is in touch with his emotions or is “emotionally available.” They want to feel emotionally validated.
Conversation about this can be helpful with the right person. I felt rather one sided in the emotional validation in my relationship. We had a long emotional talk about it and things are better now.
Some absolute gem of a human being decided to express their opinion that people shouldn’t be out in public if they’re “planning to have a mental breakdown” because it’s so embarrassing for everyone around them to be seen having to comfort a friend who is going through a hard time.
I’ll make sure that next time a loved one dies I’m not in public!! Just because some dude finds it uncomfortable to see other people be sad or upset. I’ll call my mom now, let her know she can only die when I’m at home in private.
I think my favourite part was “planning to have a mental breakdown” as if that’s something that people plan.
Like, yeah, let me just check my calendar for the day. Yeah, I’ve got lunch with Josh at 12:30, sales meeting at 2:00, mental breakdown at 3:00, panic attack at 6:00. Man, my day is packed!
my nephew was murdered, I helped raise him as a teenager while my brother was in the military. I cried in front of my “friends” and they judged me. They are no longer my friends. Terrible people. just like you
thank you. I am happily married and enjoying life with friends that aren’t going all in on machismo bs. This all happened a long time ago, so I can slightly forgive my ex-friends for being immature and mocking me behind my back about it. Feelings are hard to deal with yourself let alone with other people when you are 20 years old.
“If any of my friends are stressed and pushed to the breaking point, they need to schedule their mental breakdown in advance for a place and time when I am not around so they don’t inconvenience me.”
I’m just saying: as a guy, this is not the only double standard, and not the only thing that people see as “you did it once so you’re $thing forever” that guys go through.
It’s probably one of the most notable though.
As men, we deal with a lot of judgemental shit and we’re expected to deal with it “like a man”… Whatever the fuck that means.
Another good example of this is crying. If you have a mental breakdown and fall into a crying fit, people will brand you as a cry baby or some shit, and that will stay with you for a long ass time.
There’s so much more. I don’t have time to think of, nor detail any of it. Any fellas that have examples, I invite you too add them in reply. Ladies, you can too. And anyone else can, honestly; let’s not forget our non-binary family.
I’ve had two relationships with women immediately go downhill after I cried in front of them. It was like someone flipped a switch and turned off any physical attraction they had to me.
Can absolutely confirm this, myself, on a personal level.
Never let them see you genuinely vulnerable unless you want to drive them away, or want that to be weaponized against you at some point in the future. Sometimes even both, but never neither.
Only ever provide curated vulnerabilities that offer of themselves no true vulnerability, but satisfies any desire they may have to see vulnerability in you. Like being distressed at the sight of an unknown dead dog on the side of the road, for example. Clean, simple, controllable, and superficial.
Violate this tenet at your own psychological risk.
I’ll be honest, I can’t imagine not being able to cry in front of my partner. It sounds depressive.
It’s how “toxic masculinity” is forced upon men against their will.
Do we want to be sensitive and vulnerable? Sure!
Do we want partners that can accept that sensitivity and vulnerability? Of course!!
But when the vast majority of women do not do as they say, or say as they do, the calculus becomes massively brutal and clear-cut: either cram that shit down to where it will never see the light of day, or see it emotionally/sexually revolt our partner and possibly even make them leave.
TBH I think “toxic masculinity” is a shitty term for the concept. It feels like calling forced female gender roles “toxic femininity”.
Yes! It’s intentionally used to invoke blame. Foremost by implying that some list of bad behaviours is only or primarily displayed by men, and secondly by implying that it is the fault of men (often read as all men) when they exhibit these behaviours. I would much rather we just call it toxic behaviour. Both sexes are capable of violence, jealousy, etc. “Toxic masculinity” merely ensures half of the people one is speaking to switch off and might even take the opposite side of the discussion because it’s really offensive.
It sounds depressing because it is.
This is the way of things.
I’m not saying it’s right, just, or how it should be, but in my experience, yes, this.
What makes it infinitely more worse is that almost all women fully and absolutely deny this happens, even when behaving exactly like this.
It’s why such near-ubiquitous behaviour - and women’s hypocritical denial of its existence - is widely documented within both redpill and blackpill writings, and is one of the core reasonings behind MGTOW.
Such overwhelmingly predictable behaviours are what make those philosophies so devastatingly effective and compelling long before anything even mildly misogynistic crops up… after all, facts and evidence that survive tests of disproof speak volumes. These philosophies would have no reason to exist if behaviours and double standards like this weren’t everywhere, and all it takes for a man to see them properly is for their societal brainwashing to be disrupted.
I’ve discovered that emotional availability means you’re available to mirror her emotions. If she’s mad, you better get mad. If she’s sad, you better get sad.
Yes! We need a translator because what many of them say is not what they actually mean. I kept being told I was emotionally unavailable. So I started opening up more, which killed the attraction pretty quickly. What they meant was that they wanted me to listen to them and react in a way which implied I felt their feelings. Most women definitely DO NOT want a man who is in touch with his emotions or is “emotionally available.” They want to feel emotionally validated.
Conversation about this can be helpful with the right person. I felt rather one sided in the emotional validation in my relationship. We had a long emotional talk about it and things are better now.
Those women need to grow up.
The Reprieve community is a good place for guys to vent.
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I’m glad I’m not your friend.
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Wild thing to say after expressing one of the most childish opinions I’ve ever seen.
Some absolute gem of a human being decided to express their opinion that people shouldn’t be out in public if they’re “planning to have a mental breakdown” because it’s so embarrassing for everyone around them to be seen having to comfort a friend who is going through a hard time.
Understandable downvote count
I’ll make sure that next time a loved one dies I’m not in public!! Just because some dude finds it uncomfortable to see other people be sad or upset. I’ll call my mom now, let her know she can only die when I’m at home in private.
I think my favourite part was “planning to have a mental breakdown” as if that’s something that people plan.
Like, yeah, let me just check my calendar for the day. Yeah, I’ve got lunch with Josh at 12:30, sales meeting at 2:00, mental breakdown at 3:00, panic attack at 6:00. Man, my day is packed!
Who the fuck plans a mental breakdown? Take that shit off my schedule damn.
my nephew was murdered, I helped raise him as a teenager while my brother was in the military. I cried in front of my “friends” and they judged me. They are no longer my friends. Terrible people. just like you
I’m glad you were able to rid yourself of those clearly toxic people.
I’m sorry that it took that event to figure out that they’re not worth having as friends.
I hope you are doing better after all of that.
Sincerely, ·some random dude on the Internet.
thank you. I am happily married and enjoying life with friends that aren’t going all in on machismo bs. This all happened a long time ago, so I can slightly forgive my ex-friends for being immature and mocking me behind my back about it. Feelings are hard to deal with yourself let alone with other people when you are 20 years old.
You defeated your own point
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“If any of my friends are stressed and pushed to the breaking point, they need to schedule their mental breakdown in advance for a place and time when I am not around so they don’t inconvenience me.”
That’s more or less what you sound like
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