The whole “don’t say ‘no’ to your child“ …we’re gonna have a whole generation who won’t understand what nonconsent is. In a literal way too.
I do not understand these people who think boundaries break others. It’s massively flawed and problematic to train humans like this. It’s sabotaging their kids into being abusers and thinking they are above being kind.
We all have choices to be assholes. To be an asshole is a choice. Don’t make it their only option.
I can’t understand how such an obviously stupid approach to rasing kids even got off the ground to the point of general awareness. Any intelligent adult should be able to see how learning to take a “no” is an essential part of growing up. Same with dealing with negative emotions in general, which I understand the whole “never say no” thing is trying to avoid.
My daughter was taught how to take a no at a young age. It was a bit rough the first few times, but she quickly learned to take them in stride.
I have come to understand that the whole “don’t say no” thing is less about directly saying no and leaving it at that and more about taking the time to explain things to your child.
When it comes to new situations for things that I haven’t yet encountered I don’t just say no. I sit down with them and explain to them why.
Yes there are times when I will just say no, like when they know what the answer is going to be and understand why but are just doing it to do it, or if there isn’t time in that specific moment to explain I would preface it with that and then explain it later.
I think people misinterpret the whole don’t say no thing sometimes and literally just give their kids whatever they want which is obviously not good. Boundaries are not optional, and like you mention it is a flawed way of thinking and will absolutely lead to problems down the road.
Yes that makes sense. And yeah bad parents have done some damage with that, especially the boundary thing is important.
some people are allowed to not have all the answers, they just know that ‘no’ is their answer(especially important in where sex turns into rape and power positions).
Where I’m going with this: Abusers will try to gain a ‘why’ just to erode the reason for the ‘no’ as a way to coerce a no into a yes. These particular situations is where ‘no is a complete sentence’ is taught as a perfectly appropriate response.
I didn’t think about it at the time when I wrote my response but there have been situations with mine where he has done things that cross personal boundaries, at his age it’s more of him just being young enough to have that boundary himself but not understand that other people also have them.
Those were very quickly remedied by either explanation using his personal boundaries as an example or if that didn’t work then acting as if we were going to do something that crossed his boundaries so that he understands in those situations that no is an acceptable response full stop.
I could definitely see where not handling those immediately could turn into an absolute nightmare.
The whole “don’t say ‘no’ to your child“ …we’re gonna have a whole generation who won’t understand what nonconsent is. In a literal way too.
I do not understand these people who think boundaries break others. It’s massively flawed and problematic to train humans like this. It’s sabotaging their kids into being abusers and thinking they are above being kind.
We all have choices to be assholes. To be an asshole is a choice. Don’t make it their only option.
I can’t understand how such an obviously stupid approach to rasing kids even got off the ground to the point of general awareness. Any intelligent adult should be able to see how learning to take a “no” is an essential part of growing up. Same with dealing with negative emotions in general, which I understand the whole “never say no” thing is trying to avoid.
My daughter was taught how to take a no at a young age. It was a bit rough the first few times, but she quickly learned to take them in stride.
I have come to understand that the whole “don’t say no” thing is less about directly saying no and leaving it at that and more about taking the time to explain things to your child.
When it comes to new situations for things that I haven’t yet encountered I don’t just say no. I sit down with them and explain to them why.
Yes there are times when I will just say no, like when they know what the answer is going to be and understand why but are just doing it to do it, or if there isn’t time in that specific moment to explain I would preface it with that and then explain it later.
I think people misinterpret the whole don’t say no thing sometimes and literally just give their kids whatever they want which is obviously not good. Boundaries are not optional, and like you mention it is a flawed way of thinking and will absolutely lead to problems down the road.
Yes that makes sense. And yeah bad parents have done some damage with that, especially the boundary thing is important.
some people are allowed to not have all the answers, they just know that ‘no’ is their answer(especially important in where sex turns into rape and power positions).
Where I’m going with this: Abusers will try to gain a ‘why’ just to erode the reason for the ‘no’ as a way to coerce a no into a yes. These particular situations is where ‘no is a complete sentence’ is taught as a perfectly appropriate response.
You are absolutely correct.
I didn’t think about it at the time when I wrote my response but there have been situations with mine where he has done things that cross personal boundaries, at his age it’s more of him just being young enough to have that boundary himself but not understand that other people also have them.
Those were very quickly remedied by either explanation using his personal boundaries as an example or if that didn’t work then acting as if we were going to do something that crossed his boundaries so that he understands in those situations that no is an acceptable response full stop.
I could definitely see where not handling those immediately could turn into an absolute nightmare.