As I recall it, my Grandpa said God called him and he didn’t pick up. I narrowly missed the “call,” too.

My dad was, my brother followed in his footsteps, and I had two uncles who were pastors, too. Because fuck me, I guess.

I remember this! My sister’s legs were bleeding.

Especially when your dad is delivering the sermons. I’ve heard.

Yes, I honestly can’t believe I didn’t mention him. It’s really a testament to what a fucking gem that game is. God. So much greatness packed into such a short time.

Had to look it up to refresh my memory:

• “Nice job breaking it, hero.”

• “You are not a good person. You know that, right? Good people don’t get up here.”

• “Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. We weren’t even testing for that.”

• “Congratulations on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.”

You really need the full 2-minute audio of the lemons bit to get the gist. J.K. Simmons did an amazing job balancing funny and, “oh shit, am I…sad???..during the silly, funny puzzle game!?”

Anything Glados from Portal 1/2–still one of very, very few games to actually make me laugh. But also the Cave Johnson “when life gives you lemons” rant comes to mind, because it’s both funny and poignant.

There are literally mountains ejaculating that shit everywhere, scientists.

Would unironically work. Easiest ice-breaker in the world. Grandma’s still a woman. She knows what floods her basement.

I’m there as soon as I get a hard drive to dedicate to it.

Does this mean roses are everything? Or infinite?

There’s a pretty hefty tax penalty for dying before 65 on those plans. It becomes taxable as income at twice the rate.

That doesn’t look very alpha.

In your alleged opinion.

It’s not always that bleak, at least for me. Sometimes it’s just deep regrets, shame, trauma, that sort of thing.

This is why I take such long and frequent showers.

If you refuse to accept it, it goes away eventually and you no longer need to get up.

It’s actually Wednesday, you should probably head back to your car. :(

I decided to make mine the good kind.

It’s actually incredible how far we’ve strayed from God’s light. We deserve this.