I can’t speak for elsewhere but in much of Canada the situation is opposite what you’re suggesting. Bicycles are legally considered vehicles and are expected to use the road with other traffic if no bicycle lanes or designated paths are available. It is illegal for them to share the sidewalk with pedestrians.

This is, however, very rarely enforced.

No. You have a very strangely rigid concept of what pieces are actually required for the joke here. A person who is usually on their phone is difficult to contact. The “joke” is the disconnect between a person being apparently on their phone at all times and being unable to contact them yourself when needing to. That’s literally it. Every other detail is just window dressing.

Multiple of your fractional subsets don’t apply. It doesn’t have to be a woman, doesn’t need to be a “relationship” as typically meant by the term, and didn’t hinge on some strange inability to “independently shop for groceries”.

…why does your body wash burn?