My parents are getting older and I think about their mortality daily… it’s crushing. I wonder if there are things I’ll regret not talking to them about while I had the chance.
They may be literally the only source of detailed information about your day to day childhood.
Also their thoughts and feelings and who they are as a person (and how this has changed over time).
If you want to know these things, then you better start having long conversations with them directly.
Damn these comments are depressing.
WELL OP, I was falling asleep to the same existential dread yesterday and was wondering the same thing. I think the best gut instinct is since your parents are still around, whatever you wanna ask them is worth asking cause the best thing is getting to talk to them and connect in any way while they’re still around or have their wits about.
I had a coworker who lived far from his mom and lamented that he visits her only on holidays and that if he counted how many visits were left, he was mortified at the idea of seeing his mother only 20 or so more times. So, he made some changes to visit her more often.
I used to think I had to ask my parents questions but I realized lately, I’m more interested in making sure I get to make new memories with them, go to new places with them, take photos, don’t argue about the small stuff, and try to live in the now while I’m lucky enough to have it.
Quick edit: it may be worth asking them what memory or something they’d like to pass along and have you hold onto? There’s always something lost between generations (I sure know nothing of my great grandparents), but if they’d like to have a story remembered, a recipe, anything.
This was beautiful. Thank you ❤️
What in the blue applesauce fuck were you thinking marrying this deficient human being and then dying young and leaving me with them. Dad, not cool bro.
What did I do to make you not like me? You liked my sibling.
Why was everything I did worthy of your contempt?
Why did you make my transition to adulthood so much harder than it should have been?
Why did you move me to a car-dependent area, make it so it was impossible for me to get a car, and use the fact I was useless against me?
I should probably ask my dad more about 9/11 while he’s still alive. He was there and escaped.
But he never seemed like he wanted to talk about it, and I never asked.
It’s been 24 years, I think that if you’re going to ask, now is an appropriate time.
I also don’t know what I’d ask. It just seems so personal.
“Do you ever think about your experience on 9/11?”
If you’re comfortable asking that, his reply might indicate whether he’d be willing to talk more about it.
Good luck ❤️
Who are all these people in the photographs you inherited from your own parents, then I did from you? How were they related to me?
Why were you such absolute shit parents?
(I already know the answer)
Edit: I had no idea my parents were on Lemmy… Obviously, they would downvote… why anyone would agree with being shit parents, I can’t imagine, but your kids will be here to talk all about it, and very soon
To all the shitty parents out there: fuck you. You will get yours.
Dad,
What was your favorite DnD character you played growing up?
What was your favorite video game?
What was the name of that 90’s hentai vhs you offered that I didn’t take?
What were you running from by drinking?
I’m not your Dad, but I feel like I am,
- I used to play as a level 18 gargoyle. Like, the stone creature. He was awesome.
- All time favorite video game? Hmmm… hmm… probably flight simulator. I’ve played it since it first came out version 1.0, and still play it. I’m not sure if that qualifies though.
- Ranma 1/2
- I can’t actually answer that effectively. Certainly not from you. Perhaps from myself?
I want to inject some positivity into this thread. My dad, who is turning 79 in a week, will be visiting soon. We’re going to present him with the most bedazzled outrageous and frankly disgusting hat I’ve ever heard of or seen or thought of. It’s shockingly pink, covered in rhinestones and spells out his name in another language that he’ll immediately recognize.
I also got him a cool ass travel mug for his coffee.
I won’t have any questions for him. We have a great relationship. I’ll miss him when he’s gone.
I love this! I wish more people could have this kind of relationship with their parent(s) ❤️
Do you get to spend much time with them?
I still have my parents, luckily, but I can only imagine when they’re gone I’ll regret not just being around them more while they’re here, rather than regretting not asking them something in particular…
That’s a good point, thanks for the perspective
My apologies as I really didn’t answer your question.
I suppose it’d be hard, because everyone is unique and different, as is their relationship with their parents, their histories and so on… If my question was to be “Why did you decide to marry each other? What made that person the right person for you?” for example, that question might not really be something you’d consider asking your own parents. Maybe they weren’t married, or even together? Maybe it’s a culture where arranged marriage occurs…
I suppose the best thing I could think of that I should ask my parents is about me, my upbringing and their ideas of what and who I would be, and what they did to try to shape me into who I am. Thats a very specific thing that only my parents could really answer, and it’d probably help me better understand myself and may help me be a better parent too…
I hope thats been more helpful :)
What did I do to deserve your hate
They’re still alive, but I really hate talking to them. I wanna ask about what China was like when they grew up, like a sort of documentary interview type of thing and I write down the answers so I have first hand account of it. Because I didn’t have much memories of it, I was only a kid at the time when we left for the US.
But asking questions like that really feels awkward since they’d start saying shit like “Look how much we sacrificed for you” and all that shit, so nah I’m good, I heard enough when they were talking to each other in the living room and through their phone calls with friends and relatives, I get the gist of it, they suffered a lot so therefore they think its okay to get “strict” with kids (aka: neglect and emotional abuse and manipulation), I don’t need to ask for specifics I’ve heard enough.
Totally fair. And I never thought about the “documentary interview” style of asking… This is really interesting and I wish there was a way to do this without getting the types of responses you mentioned.
Why wereyou such a vitriolic nasty piece of shit?
But there is really no need. I already know the answer to that question.
Nah, I’m good. Their advice has always been more about how I should live my life to please them. They would never give me advice that would improve MY life, only theirs.
Why the fuck did you decide to have kids you sorry piece of shit?
